So you're ready to break normal.. Good.. Because up until now (take note of the frame here), people have been unconsciously giving each other spells of self-sabotage co-creating a mass hypnosis, – without even knowing it – by regurgitating and saying things that are limiting, demeaning and untrue.
Breaking Normal means you're ready to choose a sane, proactive and clear-headed approach to life.
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Set the Truth Free
How hard can this be, right? “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” ~ I’ve heard that one. “The truth will set you free.” ~ I’ve said that one; it’s from the Bible (John 8:31-32). How about something cool from Einstein: “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” Hmmm.
Are you ready for a radical conversation about communication?
Better, yet … are you ready to break normal and upgrade your communication so you can
improve your relationships with Self and others,
inspire a do-or-die culture of honesty among your friends and family, and
(drum roll, please) rock a badass destiny?
Let’s start with Albert Einstein’s quote. What does it mean to be careless with the truth? Now, here’s where it gets radical. To be precise with the truth (the opposite of careless), I speak in first person, present tense. Why? The past is the past and I choose not to speak for you.
First person, present tense gives me power over everything, including my perceptions of what is happening in the moment, my decisions about life and love, my reactions to stimuli and how I choose to interpret the actions of others. That, my friend, is what I mean about rocking a badass destiny. I am in charge of ME.
Here is a cool upgrade to ponder found in my new book, Breaking Normal: ReWild Your Inner Child and Set the Truth Free.
Anything you don’t want in your life, speak about it in the past tense. Even if it was five minutes ago, five seconds ago, even if you are still feeling the undesirable feeling the moment you open your mouth to speak—put it in the past. Technically it is the past, because as soon as you say it, it’s over, the moment has passed. Conversely, the things you do want in your life, speak about them in the present.
To go back to Anne, after she caught herself in a story, she repeated what she had said, but put it all in the past tense. She said, “In the past, it was hard for me to express myself to my family because I allowed myself to worry that they wouldn’t understand what I meant. I allowed myself to worry that they would think I was crazy or weird. I even allowed myself to imagine that their judgment of me came from their own fear that I was leaving them behind, so that ultimately I felt sorry for them and held my tongue.”
Do you hear the difference between that and something like, “I can’t express myself because they won’t understand”? Or “I can’t go polar plunging in the morning or hiking in the afternoon because I have to work”? Putting it in the present tense shirks responsibility for decisions you yourself are making. Maybe in the past, you couldn’t go hiking because you had to work, which is to say, because you chose to work because you valued the security you got in health insurance and steady paychecks more than you valued the actual health and abundance you would have gotten from hiking.
That’s a totally different story, with totally different implications. One is the language of power, the other the language of poverty. One is the language of responsibility, which leads to acceptance, which leads to action. The other is the language of blame, which can lead to despair and inaction. For Anne, speaking about the challenges she faced in the past immediately raises the question of what can she do about it in the present.
“Before this retreat, I had a hard time expressing myself to my family because I imagined they didn’t understand me. Now I see what it really was: in the past, I couldn’t handle the way they understood me, the way they reacted to me, and this led to some anger on my part. Now, I am more aware of this tendency, and instead of shutting down, I can be more patient with myself and with them in my self-expression. If I observe feelings of anger come up in me, I can let them know about it, rather than do what I did in the past, which was to channel it in the form of scarcasm.”
“In the past, I allowed my employment to limit my options. I allowed my job to dictate what I could and couldn’t do.”
“Now I know that’s not necessarily the case. Now, rather than discredit the things I want, I take them seriously. I figure out ways to do those things with the job I have, if it’s possible, or if it’s not, to either be ok with it or make a change, because there are infinite ways to get paid to pursue my passion. I can be creative with how I make my gifts valuable and available to other people.”
When I hear people speak in this way, I hear individuals who stand apart from their surroundings, individuals with integrity, meaning they are whole, unimpaired, of sound mind and body. When I speak this way myself, I establish that inch of breathing room, that inch of choice and eternity between me and my circumstances.
There is a lot to unpack in that passage from my book. Try it on, practice the switch in perspective. Catch yourself if your tendency is to start sentences with “You blah blah blah” instead of “I blah blah blah.” See how it feels to talk about YOUR experience of a situation and appreciate the golden threads of TRUTH in the moment.
We each weave our own tapestry … the golden threads are our miracles.
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Up until now (take note of the frame here), people have been unconsciously giving each other spells of self-sabotage co-creating a mass hypnosis – without even knowing it – by regurgitating and saying things that are limiting, demeaning, untrue. I choose a sane, proactive and clear-headed approach to life … speaking and living the truth as my default mode. Yes. It is so.
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“When I speak this way myself, I establish that inch of breathing room, that inch of choice and eternity between me and my circumstances.” ~ Daniel Eisenman